there was a time

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there was a time when my camera

 did not follow me everywhere,
when a notebook and pen were
not always by my side.
there was a time when
silence was my companion,
not of words but of mind and soul.
 there was a time i did not speak.
not the simple words of speech
but of soulful verses that would
so painfully push against my chest
wanting to escape and which
flowed instead in painful pulses
through my head and chest.
there was a time i was blind
to the beauty my eyes pretended
not to see,
my soul pretended
not to feel
there was a time
my soul died alone wondering
why it had existed if its voice
was to be suffocated in the
chokehold of my life.
there was a time my soul
decided it was best to die
than to live in silence,
caged by my feeble
choices,  drowned
in presumptuous lies.
there was a time

i am tired

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i am tired,

The way life makes you tired of living.

The way love makes you tired of searching.
I am tired of searching for love,
and finding sadness, futility,
and often not but my own selfish
want of someone. For me.
I am tired, but not defeated,
I keep moving,
I keep loving the morning dew
And embrace the full moon.
I keep my heart open, and listen
For the heartbeat that will
Wake the dry leaves which
Cover my soul.

The Angel and The Demon (WIP)

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“we live to meet with certainty at every crossroad. we are at odds with one another and although i am always right, you never seem to understand the futility of your mission”
“if my mission be futile, why prevent me from achieving it? why spend so much energy on preventing me a simple pleasure?”
“you refuse to understand the nature of our existence. we are here to obey, to seek that which we have been given as a goal. to fulfill our mission, and mine is to prevent your mission from succeeding, from ever lifting itself off the ground, from ever being.”
“your mission is my demise? is it envy then that drives you? is it the need for my demise that throws you into such pleasure? it seems my mission is not in vain, if i have dragged you into the pit of envy.”
“you are the demon, not me, i fulfill the mission given me from on high”
“are we so different then, angel? do we not seek to fulfill a mission given us by the same creator, by the same force of life that has us here?”
“and do not i do the same angel? do i not only follow orders, to bring into temptation, to drag into self hatred? is my mission then futile, even if given, as you say, from on high? do i not fulfill then just a crucial a part in your mission?”
“you are the lessor, demon. you are the tormentor, the deceiver, the one to be despised. i am here only to provide guidance towards truth, protection from your influence”
“so you are here, as me, to provide guidance, to provide counsel, to fulfill your mission. then why do you reproach me?”, asked the demon “when without me, you would be but a lonely emanation looking for a host so as not to be dismissed from existence, and instead you are given to grandiose missions involving my demise, and yet i am the evil one?”
“why must you torment me? angel, do i not give your mission meaning? your existence worth? am i not of the same substance as you? did we not have the same origins? or have you now forgotten we came from the same instant in creation, forever to be bound to one another?”
“can you not see, demon, in your blind rage, that you guide these souls to their damnation, that you have them grasping at reality as if it was forever?
“i do not such thing, angel. any more than you are able to drag them to salvation, any more than you can influence this reality. what good would salvation be in their eyes, if not to keep them from damnation? and yet no matter what we do, it is they who choose what their soul most desires, their precious soul which they so willfully offer in exchange for the pleasures of this reality.”
“i am the one who advises hate, i am the one who counsels death, and yet you are the one who offers no more than repulsion of me, or what they believe to be me, for you and i are of the same substance, of little meaning to anyone until the choice is made by those whose soul is choosing to act, by those whom we are bound to beseech, to influence, to tempt.”
“fear not, demon, for it is not i who despises you, but it is they who live to reproach the actions of those you influence. for you are correct, we are of the same substance, of the same origin, of the same nature, but of different mission”
“it is only because of them that we must diverge, for them to have this freedom to choose, we must offer them choice, counsel them to exercise this will they have been so empowered with, and which they seem to ignore so greatly”
“for it is not in us to choose, it is simply in us to obey, and it is creatures on this earth that have the true mission”

The Coyote and The Owl (WIP)

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“The moon shines for only me”.  Said Coyote howling at the moon as it crossed the night sky.
“You will scare my prey out of sight”., Said Owl as its eyes traversed the night in search of food.
“You do not understand Owl, if I do not howl the moon will lose its way. The moon follows my voice through the night sky, and awaits my goodbye as it settles above the horizon. I cannot allow the moon to lose its way, otherwise the sun will never rise through the mountains, and we will be forever covered in darkness”.
Owl looked thoughtfully at Coyote, and recognized in his explanation a sense of commitment, to make sure the moon would not lose its way.
“The Moon has traversed the sky long before your arrival, Coyote, how did it find its way before you came to this world?”
“Those that came before me have kept the Moon on its way, and have sacrificed their nights to guide the Moon, of this I am sure, for the moon has never lost its way.”