there was a time

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there was a time when my camera

 did not follow me everywhere,
when a notebook and pen were
not always by my side.
there was a time when
silence was my companion,
not of words but of mind and soul.
 there was a time i did not speak.
not the simple words of speech
but of soulful verses that would
so painfully push against my chest
wanting to escape and which
flowed instead in painful pulses
through my head and chest.
there was a time i was blind
to the beauty my eyes pretended
not to see,
my soul pretended
not to feel
there was a time
my soul died alone wondering
why it had existed if its voice
was to be suffocated in the
chokehold of my life.
there was a time my soul
decided it was best to die
than to live in silence,
caged by my feeble
choices,  drowned
in presumptuous lies.
there was a time

i am tired

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i am tired,

The way life makes you tired of living.

The way love makes you tired of searching.
I am tired of searching for love,
and finding sadness, futility,
and often not but my own selfish
want of someone. For me.
I am tired, but not defeated,
I keep moving,
I keep loving the morning dew
And embrace the full moon.
I keep my heart open, and listen
For the heartbeat that will
Wake the dry leaves which
Cover my soul.