there was a time

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there was a time when my camera

 did not follow me everywhere,
when a notebook and pen were
not always by my side.
there was a time when
silence was my companion,
not of words but of mind and soul.
 there was a time i did not speak.
not the simple words of speech
but of soulful verses that would
so painfully push against my chest
wanting to escape and which
flowed instead in painful pulses
through my head and chest.
there was a time i was blind
to the beauty my eyes pretended
not to see,
my soul pretended
not to feel
there was a time
my soul died alone wondering
why it had existed if its voice
was to be suffocated in the
chokehold of my life.
there was a time my soul
decided it was best to die
than to live in silence,
caged by my feeble
choices,  drowned
in presumptuous lies.
there was a time

i am tired

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i am tired,

The way life makes you tired of living.

The way love makes you tired of searching.
I am tired of searching for love,
and finding sadness, futility,
and often not but my own selfish
want of someone. For me.
I am tired, but not defeated,
I keep moving,
I keep loving the morning dew
And embrace the full moon.
I keep my heart open, and listen
For the heartbeat that will
Wake the dry leaves which
Cover my soul.

nothing

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there are no poems on my lips today. no forgotten souls stir my heart to speak. only the air i breathe whispers in my ear. it says nothing. it expects nothing.
i like it

it’s in the small things

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life is in the small details, in the eyes, the wrinkles
our lives and dreams. the snowflakes that give it all
for a moment of beauty, then melt away silently to live again
the innocence of not knowing, and yet knowing all
in the essence of dead fish
in the last dew drop of the morning
in our windblown eyelashes
in the ever-present silence
in smiles offered by strangers
and the secret embrace of friends
life is in the tears shed in futile instants
without logic. life is in the living
in the mourning of life
in the hatred of life itself
in the crush of emotions
in the unwilling fog that covers our eyes
each day as we choose to live
to wonder, to continue this life
life is in the struggle of being
life is in the memories
of what will never again be
in the wet kisses we hold
ever present in our lives
in the soft caresses of wrinkled hands
life is the knowledge of ignorance
the colors hidden in ice
life is in the small details
in the wondrous act of being

destiny’s march

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in the soft breeze between
my ear and my pillow i hear
the distant march of destiny.

one, two, one, two, three, four,.
forward always, without thought
march, one, two, three, four…

one, two,
let us follow what destiny has prepared
one foot in front of the other
accepting our place
unreachable for being only ours
undesirable for being only destiny
three, four.

eyes forward
without distractions
only fulfilling what is already written
orders direct from on-high
from those who can distinguish
among those who here deserve
and those who will always follow
one, two, three, four.

breaking rank they found me
following fog among rose bushes
listening to water run through the earth
trapping smiles in vessels full of tears
conjuring demons from holy altars
not understanding my discipline


not knowing myself
that i simply followed orders
from destiny
…three, four…

as i close my eyes tonight
murmuring still in my ears
the soft march of destiny
the one i plan not to follow
and so fulfill my orders
without routine distractions.

letters

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you wake to find them covering your skin

silent

pungent

among the fantasies that envelop your dreams

opulent

sensual

life sustaining

                symbols

                        of

                           light

among

      the

          darkness

pregnant desires hidden among endless

enunciations

clinging

breast feeding from the marrow

of the truths you hide from yourself

in the joy you share

in the love you keep alive

clinging

to the tattered memories you refuse to abandon

to the hopes that power your waking hours

hitch-hikers along the highway

stowaways in your life travels

for without you

they are not

but stains upon your skin

i wish to die

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i wish to die

remembering the clear waters
that drenched my soul
still feeling the horizons
stretched out against
my limbs
i wish to die with my lips wet
from the dew drops on your
lashes
with my heart pumping
with emotion from the
the laughter i still feel
smiling
i wish to die smiling
for what is life if we approach
its end with sadness
little more than time
between regrets
i wish to die smiling
and as i close my eyes
remember the softness
of your lips.
smiling
with my only regret
being never having
one to keep me from
wandering
i wish to die in love
in love with the life that ends
and the infinite moments
i shared with you in living
in loving, in falling
in looking always to life
itself for the gift it offers
i wish to die
without wishing
i had lived

hope must die

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hope should not be the last to die.
hope should not be our last recourse.
hope is a liar
it teases us with what could be
telling us what we wish to hear
knowing well there is no more than what we see.
Hope is the jackal that prowls in the night
it is our nightmares
those from which even vultures take flight.
hope is a traitor
luring us into submission
only to deliver us whole
into our enemies vision.
hope is deaf
it refuses to hear us
hope is blind
and yet we follow it
as though our guide.
hope is futile, merciless,
hope is without reason,
without logic.
hope is an atheist
there is no after life for hope
there is no second chance
no redemption, no resurrection
hope is dead, and there is no-one
left to mourn it
hope should not be the last to die.
we must discard hope in favor of life.
demand from life that which we have
without any other recourse
given over to hope.
that one day we give not a single prayer to hope.
that we live the lives we have assigned to hope.
that one day hope is no longer an option.
this, we can only
hope

i am grateful

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I am grateful for words

The letters they feel,

I am grateful for songs

And the feelings they steal

I am grateful for friends

The laughter that we share

I am grateful for enemies

For they keep me aware

For songs that make me

dance

and those that make me cry

for unending smiles

embraces, 

caresses in darkness,

for touch, for passion

I am grateful for love

even unrequited.

I am grateful for lust,

temptation uninvited

For cold winter mornings

And freshly grown ice

For storm clouds in springtime

I am grateful for lies

For hot summer evenings

And sweat on my brow

I am grateful for yearnings

I am grateful for now

I am grateful of thunder

That made me once tremble

I am grateful for fear

While fearful and grateful

I will too admit

I am grateful for beer

I am grateful for sunrise

I am grateful for trust

I am grateful for tears

As they burn in my eyes

I am grateful for beauty, 

For wonder,

For truth.

Above all my sweet

I am grateful,

I am grateful for you